She's A Minor Threat

Fight The Power

Putting the Insanity in Christianity

Words To Live By

"That man has missed something who has never left a brothel at sunrise feeling like throwing himself into the river out of pure disgust." -- Gustave Flaubert

'stoo Bad...

A real shame, actually. She totally used to turn me on. Now she's an absolute nut bar, letting herself go physically and mentally. I realize she's supposed to be an adult, responsible for her own actions, regardless of any past neglect or misguided intentions on the part of her parents. But, judging from her younger sibling's recent, uh, "situation", I gotta place SOME of the blame on Lynne and Jim, the seemingly ersatz and/or absentee "creators" of the Spears progeny.

But Britney used to be hot. Obviously, not only was the above picture taken years before the train wreck, but I'm sure it was also Photoshopped, the ubiquitous airbrush for the 21st Century. I don't care. She looked good. I know this makes me sound shallow, but I can't help but embrace my inner dirty old man. I've always LOVED Britney's big-ass legs. (FYI: The above photo was used as the cover shot for an issue of Esquire in 2003. It's an homage to a 1966 cover shot featuring a very yummy Angie Dickinson. Check out the February 2008 issue for the most recent treatment of this "non-nude" nude theme. While everything old is "nude" again, there's nothing "nude" under the sun!)

And anyway, dig the following notion: Britney could very well be infinitely more clever than we believe. She may actually be a shrewd media manipulator...a real hero of hype, exposing the moral illness in OUR soul by exploiting the culture which is so clearly obsessed with her every move. If she wasn't obviously endangering the physical and emotional well-being of two very young children, I'd say my girl Britney is a true post-modern genius. Of course I'm joking, but...

One could forgive Britney almost every other whacked thing she's done, including her marriage to the world's most "productive" loser, Kevin Federline. However, one cannot ignore the issue of the children. As it is, she probably treats the over-bred "dog du jour" she might happen to have stuffed into HER $13,000 handbag (see Kirstin "Dunce") better than she treats her own kids. This places Ms. Spears among the most diseased of adolescent Hollywood's sick sorority of malignant narcissists. (I DARE you to count the number of "S's" in that last sentence! A virtual black hole of "S's". The "S" as perfect storm. BTW, I used "adolescent" instead of "young" because I didn't like how "young" woulda rhymed with "among". Having said that, I shoulda just used "amongst" instead, allowing me to employ one more "S".) Hmmm, that was kinda harsh, but not totally off the mark. Britney is obviously unwell. But she maybe deserves SOME sympathy, right?

So I've admitted my not-so-secret, not-so-shameful secret shame: I like Britney. She's not talented exactly, but can be easy on the eyes. She's dumb, but not evil. And obviously very sick. She'll always be an easy target and an obvious punchline, and believe me, I won't be above taking the cheap shot. But my sincere wish is that she gets some real help real soon. Her kids certainly deserve better, at the very least. There's certainly reason for hope. Britney was competent enough recently to give the unctuous Dr. Phil the bum's rush after his unsolicited visit, so she can't be COMPLETELY delusional. And she is, for the moment at least, still single. This means that I still have a shot. After all, she deserves a good man for once.

'Elo Kiddies

Sorry 'bout the lack of posts, but these winter months tend to wreak havoc on my ability to do ANYTHING, much less post to my blog. Stay tuned, however, cuz I gots some tricks up me sleeve.

Been to the doctor recently (a rarity, as I've no insurance!) and you'll all be happy to know that I am in generally good health. Been giving some anti-depressants a try (better living through chemistry!) and while it's only been a coupla of months, I haven't noticed any marked improvement with regards to my chronic melancholia. The doctor suggests (of course!) that if one medication doesn't seem to work, we can try another one...and then another...and so on and so on, ad infinitum. Doctors and "Big Pharma" LOVE this notion, arguing that treating depression with medication is closer to medieval alchemy than it is to true science. My doc is another graduate of The Hit Or Miss School Of Medicine. And then, inevitably, after a few more months, the doc will say I've been misdiagnosed! "You're not depressed at all," he'll say. "You're bi-polar! Here...take these samples. I have no idea what they are, but the pharmacy rep dropped them off just this morning! She gave me all kinds of goodies, like this pen here. And she's got great legs! I couldn't keep my eyes off 'em. Didn't hear a word she said. But hey...you've already tried every other drug under the sun. One more isn't gonna hurt." What I REALLY need is a heroic dose of psilocybin followed by a cocaine/morphine speedball chaser. I imagine that'd liven up one's day. Actually, I'm sure all I need is more exercise. Vigorous sex on a regular basis would, I'm sure, be a MIRACULOUS cure. But I'll be dead before I find a partner who's willing to nurse me back to health in such a manner. Looks like I'll just have to settle for jumpin' jacks and walks around the block.

Zatso Z-List Celebrity Crush #5

I've never been a fan of Alicia Keys' music, but DAMN!

She's one hot, sexy bitch!

And Bob Dylan agrees with me!

This Shit's Gettin' Outta Hand!

In an unusual case in which an Arizona recipient of an RIAA letter has fought back in court rather than write a check to avoid hefty legal fees, the industry is taking its argument against music sharing one step further: In legal documents in its federal case against Jeffrey Howell, a Scottsdale, Ariz., man who kept a collection of about 2,000 music recordings on his personal computer, the industry maintains that it is illegal for someone who has legally purchased a CD to transfer that music into his computer.

The insanity with which the RIAA conducts business is now WAY over the top.


For the rest of this story check the Washington Post.

Return From Sabbatical

Things 'round here have been pretty nutty lately. My life tends to fall apart when the days become shorter. Dunno...I suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder or some shit. And how inconvenient when life intrudes on...life. Anyway, so much to rant about, so little time. I was able to let loose with some steam over the holiday and I'm all better. Stay tuned to this blog for fresh, new ranting. And thanks to the buddy who squared me with an entire bag of Watermelon Jolly Ranchers.

Jolly? Hardly!

Okay consumers...dig this! I recently bought a bag of "Original Flavor" Jolly Ranchers...which contained only ONE piece of Watermelon! According to the nutrition facts on the bag, three (3) pieces make one (1) serving of the candy. There are about 35 pieces of candy per bag but somehow I only got 1/3 of a serving of Watermelon. Yeah, I'm aware that the assortment in each package may vary, but COME ON! Is it unreasonable to assume that I'm gonna enjoy at least ONE serving of watermelon? Sheesh! And if that weren't enough, Lemon has been replaced by Blue Raspberry. While I'm not crazy about Lemon, Blue Raspberry is definitely NOT one of the ORIGINAL flavors! I've been a Rancher fan since the old days, so I know. This is SCANDALOUS! The Hershey Foods Corporation has a toll-free number...AND I'M CALLIN' IT!

I'll be back...

Repeated Viewing #2

Like The Big Lebowski, Showtime has been playing Quiz Show for the last several weeks and I can't tear away from it when it's on. Along with My Favorite Year, Quiz Show is my favorite movie set in the 50s, a time when America was losing an innocence it never really had.

Um, Willie? Yer scarin' me, dude.

Dirty Little Secret

I can't believe the growing number of seemingly intelligent people who are taking this Secret bullshit seriously. The only person getting rich from this pseudoscientific, psychospiritual babble is Rhonda Byrne, the shameless "creator" of the DVD and book that is hoodwinking millions of people, including the already fabulously wealthy (but stupid) Oprah Winfrey. There aren't any novel concepts presented in the book or DVD, but the shallow, selfish, materialistic message is certainly appealing to an American culture obsessed with taking shortcuts to wealth. Why work for your money when you can just "think" it into magically appearing in your grubby little hands? Ugghhh! I caught a friend of mine reading the book recently and had to give her what for. I doubt she'll ever speak to me again...I'm not sure I'll miss her.

Zatso Z-List Celebrity Crush #4

I hated Stacy London for the longest time. As one of the "Style Gurus" of TLC's What Not To Wear she came across as an obnoxious bully, ridiculing the show's participants with her incessant smarm and haughtiness. But slowly, over many months, my opinion changed. She is hot, after all, and I began to entertain what is surely an unhealthy fantasy: imagining myself as Eliza Doolittle to Ms. London's Professor Henry Higgins. I now understand that Stacy is simply using a "tough love" approach to help those who are, like me, severely challenged in the style department. And she's not just a pretty face (and nice boobs) either. Turns out she's crazy smart. According to her bio, she graduated Phi Beta Kappa from Vassar College with a double degree in 20th-century philosophy and German literature. She'll soon be hosting her own show which I understand will be called Shut Up! It's Stacy London.

Despite All The Unpleasantness...

Dave still loves him some Britney!

Album Art #2

I Wanna Learn Ya'll Sumthin'

Besides featuring the basso profundo ambitions of Tay Zonday, emotional pro-Britney video rants, and amateur p.o.v. blowjobs, the Internet can also be a great tool for LEARNING. Seriously! One of my favorite ways to utilize this virtual education machine is to download or stream lectures on any number of interesting topics. The Commonwealth Club of California is a great public and cultural affairs forum that regularly features talks and interviews with all kinds of speakers on a variety of subjects. The Club's website, which contains a sizable audio archive of various lectures, is a great free resource for those who want to kill an hour or so by learning something new. Check it out here.

I'll post more lecture links in the future, and would appreciate any suggestions that you might have.

Why...

should I give a fuck about the weekend box office?

Zatso Z-List Celebrity Crush #2 & #3

There's only one thing hotter than an attractive woman with a sense of humor: TWO attractive women, each with their own sense of humor. So here's Beth & Val from The Beth & Val Show! Pontificating on any and all subjects, these women of wit are mere seconds away from stardom and a welcome ubiquity. And I have the most pathetic crush on BOTH of 'em!
Check out their clips HERE, presented by the DOT COMEDY website, and get in on the ground floor of what will surely become a cultural phenomenon.

(BETH's on the left!)

ReveNuTube

In a significant but unsurprising departure from its grass-roots origins, YouTube will begin showing advertisements within some of its user-generated video clips. Google, which acquired the video sharing site last year, stated that the ads would start 15 seconds after a clip begins and run as a semi-transparent overlay on the bottom fifth of the video screen. The ads would run for at least 10 seconds, and users can click through to see more about the product.

There will also be a mandatory $1.00 fee imposed on every "ass-shaking" video viewed or posted to the site. Google expects this fee to ultimately generate many billions of dollars in revenue.

On The Slack

Okay, I know I've been really lazy, but posting videos and pictures is so much EASIER than putting an opinion into words. That is if I'm gonna bother posting at all. Hell, 'snot like I gotta lotta READERS out there. Hullo? HULLO? Need to launch some kinda PR campaign or sumpin'. And see, I'm using a desktop...I get tired of being LEASHED to the freakin' thing alla time, nawhamsayin'? "Mom? I know what I'd like for Christmas!" Anyway, there's so much SHIT goin' on in the world and I don't know where to begin. I'd be here all day and night! And I've got books to read, y'know? Plus, I've got a really bad headache, so...jus' lay OFF me, a'ight?

A Meeting of the Minds

Yeah, I'm totally rippin' off Bill Maher, but I couldn't help it.





Are you like me? Gushing with pride?

Zatso Z-List Celebrity Crush #1

Attack of the Show's very beautiful and fairly talented Olivia Munn. Her name kinda sounds dirty. Like, "Hey, Baby! Nice MUNN!" Or, "Shit! Check out the MUNN on that chick!" Or, "Man, she can really..." ah, you get the idea.

Krumpin' Wit Peanuts

I'm Not Lovin' It

Here's something I'm sure we can all agree on: 99% of all commercials suck. Occasionally, you'll see a funny one or there'll be a hot babe that makes the spot worth watching. But for the most part, TV commercials are intolerable. I am currently REALLY hating the new one for the McDonald's Spicy Barbecue Chicken Chipotle Snack Wrap or whatever the fuck it is. Yeah, the one with the dude doin' the rap in Spanish. I know, it features a hot babe, but not enough of her to merit a thumbs up from yours truly. The commercial starts in medias res, with the chick opening her door to two assholes, one of whom delivers the rap. There's already a couple of guys in the house moving a picture or something. I get the impression that this broad is gonna pull a serious train with all these guys. (But I've gotta filthy mind, so...) Then the other prick at the door does the "wiki wiki" thing and says, like, "What? You said you wanted a rap...with a little spice!" Kinda racist, really. The chick then attempts to enunciate the words "wrap" and "rap" differently. Okay, real people simply DO NOT talk or act like this! I am reminded of a sketch from Ben Stiller's brilliant FOX TV show from the 90s where he creates a faux dandruff shampoo commercial in order to mock how advertisers depict young people. (I tried to find the clip online, but it's not on YouTube.) Sheesh! McDonald's always has the WORST commercials. I'm almost tempted to stop eating there. Almost.

Kirsten Dunce

I don't care how wealthy you are, anyone who owns a $13,000 handbag DESERVES to have it stolen. And then beaten to death with it.

Oops! I Did It...Oh Whatever!

Had to snag this photo from Gallery Of The Absurd. Scheck it out. There's plenty more where this came from.

Repeated Viewing #1

SHOWTIME has been playin' the piss outta The Big Lebowski this month and I can't help but watch it when it's on. Hell, it's on NOW! I'm cravin' a doob and a White Russian. Didja ever notice that The Dude never actually bowls? That is, you never see him launch a ball down the lane. This movie will always hold a special place in my heart, if only because my first real(?) job was at a bowling alley. Good times...good times.

What's Wrong, Mommy? Mommy?

Album Art #1

Black Sites

The New Yorker magazine contains much more than those silly cartoons. In fact, the August 13, 2007 issue contains one of the most disturbing, yet darkly fascinating pieces of journalism I have ever read. Investigative reporter Jane Mayer has written a masterpiece, looking deep into the sinister heart of the CIA. And I'm not talking about the Culinary Institue of America. Just read it!

S'ot Up In 'is Mug!

Dante's Inferno

Here's something I found by way of Rock & Rap Confidential. I don't think Silvio would mind that I reprint it here:

by Little Steven, Billboard, August 4, 2007

Die, Greedy Swine! Die! Die!

When we last tuned in, puns intended, our stalwart record companies had completely given up on the idea of actually making great records people might want to buy, and had instead decided to charge radio stations for having the audacity to broadcast their records over the airwaves willy nilly so that even the unwashed unsubscribed could hear them.

Now it's the rights societies turn to go after those thieving huckleberries who run nightclubs, coffee shops, restaurants, and hair salons.

And don't think for a minute you sneaking, sniveling dentists are safe either. It'll take more than laughing gas to save your ass.

The license fee in Australian nightclubs playing records just went from 7 Aussie cents per customer to $1.05--and if there is dancing, from 20 cents to $1.07 per person.

Just in case you're thinking that might bode well for live music, think again, my friend. Performance rights organizations are now going after coffee shops where folk duos play to 50 people.

In Canada the Society of Composers, Authors, and Music Publishers is going after barbers, hairdressers, and, yes, dentists who play music of any king that their customers can hear.

Have you had enough yet? No?

OK, just one more, and then we can all go back to denial.

A restaurant in Florida was contacted by a company that said it had to pay a license fee for music or it would be fined.

"But we don't play music," the conniving scoundrel claimed.

"You broadcast Monday Night Football don't you?" our protector and savior asked.

"Yeah, so what?"

"We own the rights to Hank Williams, Jr.'s "Are You Ready For Some Football," and you're broadcasting it."

Long pause. Looking for the Candid Camera, no doubt.

"I'll tell you what," the former New Jersey restaurant guy says. "Next Monday, when Hank comes on, I'll turn the sound down."

Click.

See you on the radio.

WTFF At Record High

Okay, two words: due process. Having said that, did any of you ACTUALLY READ the indictment against Michael Vick? Yes, I'm talking to you, SCLC! The Southern Christian Leadership Conference is planning to "honor" Vick this week at their annual gathering in Atlanta. SCLC president Charles Steele noted to the Atlanta Journal Constitution that "the organization would find some way to honor and recognize the embattled Falcon's quarterback who is under federal indictment on dogfighting charges." Okay, so, let me make sure I'm understanding you here...at some point, maybe after Jesse Jackson's keynote address, or perhaps just before Barack Obama's speech on Saturday night, or possibly shortly after Bill Clinton cuts the ribbon on the new SCLC headquarters on Monday afternoon, the good people of the SCLC are going to "find some way" to HONOR Michael Vick? The nation's WHAT THE FUCK FACTOR has reached a record high! If Michael Vick is indeed innocent of the charges against him, that's great, good for him. But doesn't the HINT of possible guilt give pause to anyone at the SCLC? Why bother bringing Vick into this at all? The SCLC isn't just warning people to be wary of a rush to judgement, which would be the wise thing to do, but they are planning to HONOR Vick...somehow. Had they planned to do so BEFORE the indictments? It's sad, but this case, almost immediately, became an issue of race.

I only hope this situation will engender some kind of honest dialogue about the racial divide in this country. So far, it hasn't. Many pundits have been pointing out that the rise in dogfighting is a byproduct of its association and glorification in rap music and the inner-city drug trade. This may very well be true, but the implication is that dogfighting is a "black thing". But it wasn't so long ago (a few years now, really, I guess) that a dogfighting operation was discovered here in Northern Kentucky, comprised of good ol' boy redneck types. I can't understand the psychology of the type of person who would engage in or derive enjoyment from dogfighting, but I doubt that it has anything to do with skin color.

OBVIOUS JOKE ALERT!!!

Yeah, Ving Rhames' dogs thought the guy was Michael Vick!

Sorry, had to do it. I'm sure I'm not the only one.

Max Blumenthal's Operation ChickenHawk

WARNING!!!
This video may cause righteous indignation and provoke thought!

My Guitar Wants To Kill Your Mama...For Buying A Shitty Digital Camera!

Saw Zappa Plays Zappa, featuring Dweezil Zappa and Ray White, at Coney Island's Moonlite Gardens in Cincinnati this past Tuesday night (July 24). This band was INSANE! I was lucky to find a spot very near the front and the sound was incredible. I was very impressed. ZPZ performed many of my favorites during the almost 3 hour set, but while I'm an ardent admirer of Frank's music, I'm not so big a fan as to be able to remember the set list. I'm sure you could find the info if you really wanted to, as there is an ENORMOUS Zappa fan presence on the InterWebs. One particularly cool feature of the show was the couple of times Frank actually JOINED the band via the use of synched-up video, à la Nat King and Natalie Cole doing the "Unforgettable" duet years ago. Remember that? Kind of a big deal back in the technological stone age. Anyway, it was great to see a "virtual" Frank jammin' with family and friends.

The audience demographic was all over the place, featuring many colors of the human spectrum, with ages ranging from the tweens to those who were starting to feel old when the Mothers were still young. The level of diversity didn't surprise me, but the level of utter drunkenness exhibited by the crowd certainly did. The men's room was festooned with empty pints and half-pints, with the occasional bottle of Blue Nun making a welcome concert appearance. (How did they smuggle all this stuff in?) I felt like a lightweight after drinking my three beers. About the show's mid-point, the folks around me started to become pretty loosey-goosey, with their liquor intake producing loudly slurred requests and awkward but sincere dancing. One shit-faced (though very attractive) woman to my right began proclaiming her love for Dweezil, pointing at the stage and yelling, while vigorously performing the hip-hop bounce. I gave her plenty of room to do her thing and enjoyed watching her. People-watching at a show is half the fun. Anyway, I expected a good time would be had by all, but I didn't think I would be attending a booze-soaked Dionysian festival! It got a little crazy.

Below, you'll find some of the pictures that I took at the show. They're really shitty, thanks to the crummy digital camera I borrowed from me mum. I shoulda known that the Argus QuickClix 5150 wasn't gonna provide me with quality images when I had to download the device driver, only to discover that the camera had long ago been discontinued. Mom is still learning that when it comes to technology, you usually get what you pay for. Especially since she won the camera playing a claw machine.

The above shots were taken at the very beginning of the show and depicts Dweezil's initial technical gremlins with a new monitoring system. Soon rectified, the band proceeded to kick ass. Now, normally, I wouldn't even have brought a camera. Unless you're a professional, maybe on the job as a journalist or working for the band, I think you should just leave your camera at home. Next time I will.

Above, guitarist/vocalist and former Frank Zappa sideman Ray White.

And here's the proud Poppa, holding the Gibson SG that Dweezil played for most of the show. A cherished family heirloom, to be sure.

Finally, here's a link to a review of the show from City Beat, Cincinnati's alternative weekly.

Sign o' the Times

I wanna hasten the death of the music industry. The most recent example of 'aven't a clue arrogance involves British music retailers and the new record by Prince (the musician, not a member of the royal family). The retailers are infuriated because Prince chose to have his new CD, "Planet Earth", distributed free inside copies of the July 15th issue of Brit tabloid newspaper The Mail, rather than allowing them to sell it. Keep in mind that Prince, in more ways than one, is unique in the music world. For the last 10 years, Prince has been truly independent. He doesn't have a long-term recording relationship with any music label. He records his music and will license the finished work to a major label for distribution or, as he has done in the past, make the music available for sale online. Basically, he can do with HIS music WHATEVER THE HELL HE WANTS! It is not his responsibility to prop up the rest of the rapidly declining music industry! His job is to make music and wear assless chaps! But tell that to the retailers. One British retailing official says Prince should know that if he keeps it up, he'll soon be known as 'The Artist Formerly Available in Record Stores,' which I guess is some kinda threat. Prince, wanting to do something for the fans that have long supported him, chose to make available some of his music for free. He's not hurting for scratch and doesn't have to rely on CD sales for revenue. But, until CDs became dirt cheap loss-leaders for big box stores, music retailers have been quite content to RAPE YOU by selling every piece of shit CD for $18.98 AND insulting you under their breath as you walk out the door. Capitalism often involves the Herbert Spencer/Charles Darwin concept of "survival of the fittest". The music industry is in trouble because it hasn't been able to adapt to the new technologies that have developed over the years that allow for digital music distribution. TOUGH SHIT! It should go the way of the dodo! Why should consumers and even the artists themselves suffer because music companies haven't been able to figure out how to harness the technology and make money with it? But it's probably too late. Any sense of goodwill that might have existed in the hearts of music consumers EVAPORATED when the RIAA started SUING people accused of illegal downloading. I know it's a complicated issue and I certainly don't have a solution, but it's clear that artists and record companies are going to be forced to adopt a new model for music distribution. But until then, the labels and retailers have to stop blaming their problems on the likes of Prince.

Pray For Me, People!

I am suffering from the most pernicious, relentlessly itchy mosquito bite on the back of my left hand! I've used various ointments, unguents, balms, liniments, lotions, and creams to no avail. I have yet to use a salve, however, so there's still hope for relief.

Man Alone

Okay, so I haven't started my "media fast" just yet. I am, however, thinking of booking a cell at the Abbey of Gethsemani, a Trappist monastery located near Bardstown, Kentucky, not too far from where yours truly is currently sitting...in his underwear. Thomas Merton, a man I have long admired, entered the Abbey in December, 1941 and made it his home for the next 27 years. The monks also make a mean fudge...with bourbon.

Anyway, for those who like a good book, here are two that I quite enjoyed:

I don't--or, more accurately, can't--cook at all. I'm really not even that interested in food, but lately I have been reading a great deal about good food, chefs, and the cooking subculture. My interest has led me to Bill Buford's new book, Heat. In it, Buford (not to be confused with Yes and King Crimson drummer Bill BRuford) a professional writer and amateur cook, somehow finagles a position as "kitchen bitch" at Babbo, celebrity chef Mario Batali's three-star Manhattan restaurant. This is another great one from Buford, and a real classic in the field of participatory journalism. Buford's Among The Thugs, where the author essentially becomes an English football hooligan for several months, is one of my all-time favorite works of non-fiction. I recommend them both.

Another book I recently devoured is Gore Vidal's second memoir, Point to Point Navigation. This volume deals with the second half of his life and is more entertaining than Palimpsest, his first memoir. It's very dishy but also quite touching, as it deals with Vidal's thoughts on death, having lost Howard, his "longtime companion", while also contemplating his own inevitable demise. I don't know about his novels, but I've always admired Vidal's essays, and this work doesn't disappoint.

Generation Of Swine

I may have to impose upon myself a media blackout. That'd mean no TV, radio, newspapers, or InterWeb for at least a week or two. The more attention I pay to what's goin' on in the world, the more disgusted and depressed I become, and I'm already in bad shape emotionally as it is. I know a guy...he's pretty successful, has a great life, recovering alcoholic, sober for like 20 years. His secret, he tells me, is that he NEVER watches the news. He is the most uninformed guy on the planet, never knows what's goin' on, but I've never known someone so serene and happy-go-lucky. For him, ignorance truly is bliss. Until a tornado or chemical spill from a derailed train catches his ass unawares. No, I'm joking...but I can definitely see the benefits of not just ignoring all the bullshit, but not even knowing that the bullshit exists! Anyway, I'll keep the loyal fans in the loop if I decide to lay low for awhile. Maybe y'all can join me in a media fast.

I Have A Beer, You Have A No Beer Beer

I'll never take a chance on an unfamiliar 6-pack again. Earlier today I purchased a sixer of Shiner Blonde, having been a fan of Shiner Bock, which I tried for the first time during one of my trips to Austin, TX. The Blonde isn't terrible, but it totally lacks a finish. The taste is just kinda THERE and that's it. Oh, I'll finish every bottle, to be sure...it's a sin to waste beer. But I can't afford to spend my meager allowance on a brew that isn't totally kick-ass, nawhamsayin'?

Hitchens vs Sharpton II

Christopher Hitchens debated Al Sharpton on Chris Matthew's Hardball program Thursday. This was a rematch between the two, the first bout taking place back in May at the New York Public Library (FIND IT HERE!) Initially, I wondered why Hitchens would bother debating Sharpton, who is an intellectual gnat. But after watching this second debate, it's clear that Hitchens isn't simply trying to increase book sales. He's also perfectly happy to allow a simpleton like Sharpton to "hoist himself by his own petard" and highlight the nonsense often spouted by "people of faith". The good Reverend constantly accused Hitchens of maneuvering rhetorically in an effort to dodge the question of the existence of God (among other questions), while Hitchens gleefully continued to provide answers in such a way as to zoom over Sharpton's head. I still have to wonder, however, why Sharpton is presented to us by the media at all, having long ago lost whatever credibility he may have once possessed.

Are You Ready For The Summer?

But, the real excitement of course is going to come at the end of the summer, during Sexual Awareness week. We import two hundred hookers from around the world, and each camper, armed with only a thermos of coffee and two thousand dollars cash, tries to visit as many countries as he can. The winner of course is named King of Sexual Awareness week and is allowed to rape and pillage the neighboring towns until camp ends.

My Ol' Kentucky Home

I live in Northern Kentucky and have for most of my life. But if I'm outta town, travelin', or chattin' it up with folks online, I usually say I'm from Cincinnati, Ohio. It's not cuz I like Cincinnati, or dislike KY, cuz I don't. It's just a geographical convenience. Most folks have heard of Cincy (good or ill) and it's just 15 minutes up the 'spressway and 'cross the mighty Ohio River. From now on, however, I'm gonna give props to the great Commonwealth in which I was born and reside. Here's why...

Wot's A Fucking Wobble Board?

This notorious bit of audio, recorded surreptitiously, never fails to crack me up. A must-hear for any fan of This Is Spinal Tap, the details and the MP3 file can be found
RIGHT FUCKING HERE!