My Guitar Wants To Kill Your Mama...For Buying A Shitty Digital Camera!

Saw Zappa Plays Zappa, featuring Dweezil Zappa and Ray White, at Coney Island's Moonlite Gardens in Cincinnati this past Tuesday night (July 24). This band was INSANE! I was lucky to find a spot very near the front and the sound was incredible. I was very impressed. ZPZ performed many of my favorites during the almost 3 hour set, but while I'm an ardent admirer of Frank's music, I'm not so big a fan as to be able to remember the set list. I'm sure you could find the info if you really wanted to, as there is an ENORMOUS Zappa fan presence on the InterWebs. One particularly cool feature of the show was the couple of times Frank actually JOINED the band via the use of synched-up video, à la Nat King and Natalie Cole doing the "Unforgettable" duet years ago. Remember that? Kind of a big deal back in the technological stone age. Anyway, it was great to see a "virtual" Frank jammin' with family and friends.

The audience demographic was all over the place, featuring many colors of the human spectrum, with ages ranging from the tweens to those who were starting to feel old when the Mothers were still young. The level of diversity didn't surprise me, but the level of utter drunkenness exhibited by the crowd certainly did. The men's room was festooned with empty pints and half-pints, with the occasional bottle of Blue Nun making a welcome concert appearance. (How did they smuggle all this stuff in?) I felt like a lightweight after drinking my three beers. About the show's mid-point, the folks around me started to become pretty loosey-goosey, with their liquor intake producing loudly slurred requests and awkward but sincere dancing. One shit-faced (though very attractive) woman to my right began proclaiming her love for Dweezil, pointing at the stage and yelling, while vigorously performing the hip-hop bounce. I gave her plenty of room to do her thing and enjoyed watching her. People-watching at a show is half the fun. Anyway, I expected a good time would be had by all, but I didn't think I would be attending a booze-soaked Dionysian festival! It got a little crazy.

Below, you'll find some of the pictures that I took at the show. They're really shitty, thanks to the crummy digital camera I borrowed from me mum. I shoulda known that the Argus QuickClix 5150 wasn't gonna provide me with quality images when I had to download the device driver, only to discover that the camera had long ago been discontinued. Mom is still learning that when it comes to technology, you usually get what you pay for. Especially since she won the camera playing a claw machine.

The above shots were taken at the very beginning of the show and depicts Dweezil's initial technical gremlins with a new monitoring system. Soon rectified, the band proceeded to kick ass. Now, normally, I wouldn't even have brought a camera. Unless you're a professional, maybe on the job as a journalist or working for the band, I think you should just leave your camera at home. Next time I will.

Above, guitarist/vocalist and former Frank Zappa sideman Ray White.

And here's the proud Poppa, holding the Gibson SG that Dweezil played for most of the show. A cherished family heirloom, to be sure.

Finally, here's a link to a review of the show from City Beat, Cincinnati's alternative weekly.

Sign o' the Times

I wanna hasten the death of the music industry. The most recent example of 'aven't a clue arrogance involves British music retailers and the new record by Prince (the musician, not a member of the royal family). The retailers are infuriated because Prince chose to have his new CD, "Planet Earth", distributed free inside copies of the July 15th issue of Brit tabloid newspaper The Mail, rather than allowing them to sell it. Keep in mind that Prince, in more ways than one, is unique in the music world. For the last 10 years, Prince has been truly independent. He doesn't have a long-term recording relationship with any music label. He records his music and will license the finished work to a major label for distribution or, as he has done in the past, make the music available for sale online. Basically, he can do with HIS music WHATEVER THE HELL HE WANTS! It is not his responsibility to prop up the rest of the rapidly declining music industry! His job is to make music and wear assless chaps! But tell that to the retailers. One British retailing official says Prince should know that if he keeps it up, he'll soon be known as 'The Artist Formerly Available in Record Stores,' which I guess is some kinda threat. Prince, wanting to do something for the fans that have long supported him, chose to make available some of his music for free. He's not hurting for scratch and doesn't have to rely on CD sales for revenue. But, until CDs became dirt cheap loss-leaders for big box stores, music retailers have been quite content to RAPE YOU by selling every piece of shit CD for $18.98 AND insulting you under their breath as you walk out the door. Capitalism often involves the Herbert Spencer/Charles Darwin concept of "survival of the fittest". The music industry is in trouble because it hasn't been able to adapt to the new technologies that have developed over the years that allow for digital music distribution. TOUGH SHIT! It should go the way of the dodo! Why should consumers and even the artists themselves suffer because music companies haven't been able to figure out how to harness the technology and make money with it? But it's probably too late. Any sense of goodwill that might have existed in the hearts of music consumers EVAPORATED when the RIAA started SUING people accused of illegal downloading. I know it's a complicated issue and I certainly don't have a solution, but it's clear that artists and record companies are going to be forced to adopt a new model for music distribution. But until then, the labels and retailers have to stop blaming their problems on the likes of Prince.

Pray For Me, People!

I am suffering from the most pernicious, relentlessly itchy mosquito bite on the back of my left hand! I've used various ointments, unguents, balms, liniments, lotions, and creams to no avail. I have yet to use a salve, however, so there's still hope for relief.

Man Alone

Okay, so I haven't started my "media fast" just yet. I am, however, thinking of booking a cell at the Abbey of Gethsemani, a Trappist monastery located near Bardstown, Kentucky, not too far from where yours truly is currently sitting...in his underwear. Thomas Merton, a man I have long admired, entered the Abbey in December, 1941 and made it his home for the next 27 years. The monks also make a mean fudge...with bourbon.

Anyway, for those who like a good book, here are two that I quite enjoyed:

I don't--or, more accurately, can't--cook at all. I'm really not even that interested in food, but lately I have been reading a great deal about good food, chefs, and the cooking subculture. My interest has led me to Bill Buford's new book, Heat. In it, Buford (not to be confused with Yes and King Crimson drummer Bill BRuford) a professional writer and amateur cook, somehow finagles a position as "kitchen bitch" at Babbo, celebrity chef Mario Batali's three-star Manhattan restaurant. This is another great one from Buford, and a real classic in the field of participatory journalism. Buford's Among The Thugs, where the author essentially becomes an English football hooligan for several months, is one of my all-time favorite works of non-fiction. I recommend them both.

Another book I recently devoured is Gore Vidal's second memoir, Point to Point Navigation. This volume deals with the second half of his life and is more entertaining than Palimpsest, his first memoir. It's very dishy but also quite touching, as it deals with Vidal's thoughts on death, having lost Howard, his "longtime companion", while also contemplating his own inevitable demise. I don't know about his novels, but I've always admired Vidal's essays, and this work doesn't disappoint.

Generation Of Swine

I may have to impose upon myself a media blackout. That'd mean no TV, radio, newspapers, or InterWeb for at least a week or two. The more attention I pay to what's goin' on in the world, the more disgusted and depressed I become, and I'm already in bad shape emotionally as it is. I know a guy...he's pretty successful, has a great life, recovering alcoholic, sober for like 20 years. His secret, he tells me, is that he NEVER watches the news. He is the most uninformed guy on the planet, never knows what's goin' on, but I've never known someone so serene and happy-go-lucky. For him, ignorance truly is bliss. Until a tornado or chemical spill from a derailed train catches his ass unawares. No, I'm joking...but I can definitely see the benefits of not just ignoring all the bullshit, but not even knowing that the bullshit exists! Anyway, I'll keep the loyal fans in the loop if I decide to lay low for awhile. Maybe y'all can join me in a media fast.