Monday, October 19, 2015

A New Post...Just For The Hell Of It

Maybe I should start blogging again.

Who am I kidding?  I don't have anything remotely interesting to say.

Plus, I'm on Twitter anyway, @jsellison23.

Or you can find my act out on the strip.

Tried to add a photo here, but it's not working.  A browser issue...maybe?

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Well, This Here Thing Is Still Around...

The "ZATSO?" blog you are currently viewing has been dormant for some time. I may start posting again. Or I may not. Who knows? I just wanted to check in on this old blog of mine that still floats around in cyberspace.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Fun With Color!

Here's a cool site that'll help ya pass a few hours...or days.

Trust me. Thank me later.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

R.I.P. Ron Asheton of The Stooges

An Overlooked Minor Masterpiece

Starring Dick Van Dyke and written and directed by Norman Lear, 1971's Cold Turkey is one of my top 10 favorite comedies of all time. Cast with practically every comedy/character actor from the early seventies, this overlooked classic satire has been playing on SHOWTIME the last couple of weeks. I remember seeing it for the first time as a young kid and I loved it even then.

***Spoiler Alert***

I even laughed when the dog got kicked!

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Havin' A Dance With The Baguette Man!

It soon became apparent to Grandma that she had entered the wrong address. But she didn't let that spoil her fun.

Friday, December 19, 2008

Peter Frampton At X-Mas

Cincinnati resident and rock star Peter Frampton reads "A Visit From Saint Nicholas" in the studios of WVXU, our local NPR station.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Disappointed By Chinese Democracy?

Here's Nicki Rose jammin' on Electric Warrior.

Allow this ROSE to rock yo' muthafuckin' ASS OFF!!!

Forever worship at his altar of ROCK 'n' ROLL!!!

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Playing With Yorku

Worst voice dub in movie history, as well as just being creepy. Would you let your little girl play in a boat's "basement" with Yorku, the ancient Chinese guy?

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Zatso Z-List Celebrity Crush #6

Those folks who are lucky enough to know me are well aware of my severe Anglophilia. I am easily seduced by all things British. Additionally, those fortunate enough to count me as a friend also know that I am straight as a fuckin' arrow. I am a heterosexual or, as some in the LGBT community might say, a het, a heto, a "commoner", a non-gay, or my favorite (though I don't have any children) a "breeder". Therefore, my deep and painful crush on the stunning British actress Emily Blunt should be a surprise to no one. Many of you probably know her from her role as "Emily" (imagine that!) the assistant to Meryl Streep's character "Miranda Priestly" in The Devil Wears Prada. I became aware of her back in 2004 when she appeared in the film My Summer of Love in which she gets naked and makes hot lesbian love to her co-star, the also beautiful, also British Natalie Press. Imagine my profound disappointment, then, when I found that my lovely Miss Blunt was "seeing" Michael "Mediocrity Personified" Bublé. He is an American "singer" of some renown who just happens to be awful...and also doesn't look good naked (see below).

Even I'M in better shape than THIS guy, so that's pretty bad! Anyway, as difficult as it was for me to do, I had to remove Miss Blunt from my monkey bank. I simply could not continue to crush on any woman who would date such a white-bread, piece-o-shit, no-talent "celebrity". But then, just moments ago (as of this writing), a fortuitous event happened. It's Saturday night and I'm sorta, kinda working with my personal assistant and platonic gal pal Millicent Malinowski. We're half-heartedly watching TV while reviewing my quarterly tax information. Gnoshin' on a handful of Goldfish crackers and enjoying a glass of Wild Irish Rose, I suddenly see Miss Blunt on the screen. She's in the Tom Hanks movie Charlie Wilson's War and she looks AMAZING! Early in the film, we see her in her underwear. She is ravishing. Gorgeous. Insane body. Because I had reluctantly stopped lusting over her some time ago, I had no idea she was in this movie. Millicent, who spends most of her waking hours working with me and is infinitely familiar with my various quirks and obsessions says, "Y'know she's not with that guy anymore. Uhm, that Bubble guy or whatever? The one you can't stand?" I'm up like a shot and rush to the computer to find some confirmation. How did I miss this? They split-up back in JULY! I had no idea. "Good for you, Emily," I say aloud. "Now...if only we could'd no doubt fall madly in love with me." Millicent rolls her eyes, shuffles some papers, and hopes that I'm not going completely mad.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

A Long Nap

Why does one invariably feel like shit after a long nap? The perfect nap for me is exactly 37 minutes. Any nap longer than that becomes counterproductive. So, if I end up napping for like 4 HOURS, which I did today, I wake up feeling like absolute DEATH! Now I've got a tremendous headache...I slept, fully clothed, with multiple layers, so I was sweatin' like a wooly mammoth...I feel sapped of energy...and now I'll be up 'til who knows when. Millicent is bringing me a couple Bufferin, a can of Pepsi, and a cold compress, so maybe I'll feel better shortly. But damn. I hadda lotta shit I wanted to get done today. Fuck long naps!

Friday, October 24, 2008

Thursday, October 16, 2008

I Don't Wanna Work!

Who knew John McCain was a freakin' BADASS on the skins!?!?

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Hey, George!

"Hey, George! The solutions to ALL of America's problems can be found just beyond that door over there. Yeah...that door there. gotta pull. Pull the handle. No, PULL! Open the Goddamned door you FUCKIN' NITWIT! Ah, for fuck's SAKE!"

Saturday, October 4, 2008

(Not Quite) Instant Karma

The universe works in mysterious ways. Dig this!

October 3, 1995 - O.J.Simpson is found NOT GUILTY of double murder in the deaths of former wife Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman.

October 3, 2008 - O.J.Simpson is found GUILTY of 12 charges, including kidnapping and armed robbery, a verdict which may place Simpson in jail for the rest of his life.

13 years TO THE DAY! A little COSMIC COMEUPPANCE! Ya really gotta love life's little synchronicities. I guess the OJ team thought this was gonna be another LUCKY day. O W N E D!!!

Wednesday, July 2, 2008


Recently TRIED to watch Hairspray, the movie of the musical of the movie. What the fuck was John Travolta thinking? Supposedly he was affecting a Baltimore accent to play the character of Edna Turnblad. He actually sounded 1/2 southern and 1/2 retarded. Millicent, my faithful researcher, tells me that Travolta insisted on going that way with the character, much to the dismay of everybody involved. I mean, nobody else in the movie bothered to use a phony accent. Nobody on HBO's The Wire, a show set in Baltimore and noted for its realism, tried to sound like a local. This is just more proof that Travolta is completely unhinged and a self-obsessed moron.

Friday, June 13, 2008

People I Don't Know...But Hate Anyway (No.3)

Sheryl Crow
Her success totally baffles me. Middle of the road mediocrity with a voice that sounds not unlike the bird that shares her name. Has an enormous mouth. Frightens small children. Another talentless hack. Cannot STAND her.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

People I Don't Know...But Hate Anyway (No.2)

Hate her stupid name. Hate anybody who insists on going by first name only. Overrated. Guy's think I'm crazy, but I don't find her the least bit attractive. Don't believe the hype.

People I Don't Know...But Hate Anyway (No.1)

Jeff Probst
Talentless hack. Hate him...hate his show.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Words To Live By

"That man has missed something who has never left a brothel at sunrise feeling like throwing himself into the river out of pure disgust." -- Gustave Flaubert

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

'stoo Bad...

A real shame, actually. She totally used to turn me on. Now she's an absolute nut bar, letting herself go physically and mentally. I realize she's supposed to be an adult, responsible for her own actions, regardless of any past neglect or misguided intentions on the part of her parents. But, judging from her younger sibling's recent, uh, "situation", I gotta place SOME of the blame on Lynne and Jim, the seemingly ersatz and/or absentee "creators" of the Spears progeny.

But Britney used to be hot. Obviously, not only was the above picture taken years before the train wreck, but I'm sure it was also Photoshopped, the ubiquitous airbrush for the 21st Century. I don't care. She looked good. I know this makes me sound shallow, but I can't help but embrace my inner dirty old man. I've always LOVED Britney's big-ass legs. (FYI: The above photo was used as the cover shot for an issue of Esquire in 2003. It's an homage to a 1966 cover shot featuring a very yummy Angie Dickinson. Check out the February 2008 issue for the most recent treatment of this "non-nude" nude theme. While everything old is "nude" again, there's nothing "nude" under the sun!)

And anyway, dig the following notion: Britney could very well be infinitely more clever than we believe. She may actually be a shrewd media manipulator...a real hero of hype, exposing the moral illness in OUR soul by exploiting the culture which is so clearly obsessed with her every move. If she wasn't obviously endangering the physical and emotional well-being of two very young children, I'd say my girl Britney is a true post-modern genius. Of course I'm joking, but...

One could forgive Britney almost every other whacked thing she's done, including her marriage to the world's most "productive" loser, Kevin Federline. However, one cannot ignore the issue of the children. As it is, she probably treats the over-bred "dog du jour" she might happen to have stuffed into HER $13,000 handbag (see Kirstin "Dunce") better than she treats her own kids. This places Ms. Spears among the most diseased of adolescent Hollywood's sick sorority of malignant narcissists. (I DARE you to count the number of "S's" in that last sentence! A virtual black hole of "S's". The "S" as perfect storm. BTW, I used "adolescent" instead of "young" because I didn't like how "young" woulda rhymed with "among". Having said that, I shoulda just used "amongst" instead, allowing me to employ one more "S".) Hmmm, that was kinda harsh, but not totally off the mark. Britney is obviously unwell. But she maybe deserves SOME sympathy, right?

So I've admitted my not-so-secret, not-so-shameful secret shame: I like Britney. She's not talented exactly, but can be easy on the eyes. She's dumb, but not evil. And obviously very sick. She'll always be an easy target and an obvious punchline, and believe me, I won't be above taking the cheap shot. But my sincere wish is that she gets some real help real soon. Her kids certainly deserve better, at the very least. There's certainly reason for hope. Britney was competent enough recently to give the unctuous Dr. Phil the bum's rush after his unsolicited visit, so she can't be COMPLETELY delusional. And she is, for the moment at least, still single. This means that I still have a shot. After all, she deserves a good man for once.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

'Elo Kiddies

Sorry 'bout the lack of posts, but these winter months tend to wreak havoc on my ability to do ANYTHING, much less post to my blog. Stay tuned, however, cuz I gots some tricks up me sleeve.

Been to the doctor recently (a rarity, as I've no insurance!) and you'll all be happy to know that I am in generally good health. Been giving some anti-depressants a try (better living through chemistry!) and while it's only been a coupla of months, I haven't noticed any marked improvement with regards to my chronic melancholia. The doctor suggests (of course!) that if one medication doesn't seem to work, we can try another one...and then another...and so on and so on, ad infinitum. Doctors and "Big Pharma" LOVE this notion, arguing that treating depression with medication is closer to medieval alchemy than it is to true science. My doc is another graduate of The Hit Or Miss School Of Medicine. And then, inevitably, after a few more months, the doc will say I've been misdiagnosed! "You're not depressed at all," he'll say. "You're bi-polar! Here...take these samples. I have no idea what they are, but the pharmacy rep dropped them off just this morning! She gave me all kinds of goodies, like this pen here. And she's got great legs! I couldn't keep my eyes off 'em. Didn't hear a word she said. But've already tried every other drug under the sun. One more isn't gonna hurt." What I REALLY need is a heroic dose of psilocybin followed by a cocaine/morphine speedball chaser. I imagine that'd liven up one's day. Actually, I'm sure all I need is more exercise. Vigorous sex on a regular basis would, I'm sure, be a MIRACULOUS cure. But I'll be dead before I find a partner who's willing to nurse me back to health in such a manner. Looks like I'll just have to settle for jumpin' jacks and walks around the block.

Friday, January 4, 2008

Zatso Z-List Celebrity Crush #5

I've never been a fan of Alicia Keys' music, but DAMN!
She's one hot, sexy bitch!
And Bob Dylan agrees with me!

Thursday, January 3, 2008

This Shit's Gettin' Outta Hand!

In an unusual case in which an Arizona recipient of an RIAA letter has fought back in court rather than write a check to avoid hefty legal fees, the industry is taking its argument against music sharing one step further: In legal documents in its federal case against Jeffrey Howell, a Scottsdale, Ariz., man who kept a collection of about 2,000 music recordings on his personal computer, the industry maintains that it is illegal for someone who has legally purchased a CD to transfer that music into his computer.

The insanity with which the RIAA conducts business is now WAY over the top.

For the rest of this story check the Washington Post.

Monday, November 26, 2007

Return From Sabbatical

Things 'round here have been pretty nutty lately. My life tends to fall apart when the days become shorter. Dunno...I suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder or some shit. And how inconvenient when life intrudes Anyway, so much to rant about, so little time. I was able to let loose with some steam over the holiday and I'm all better. Stay tuned to this blog for fresh, new ranting. And thanks to the buddy who squared me with an entire bag of Watermelon Jolly Ranchers.

Thursday, November 8, 2007

Jolly? Hardly!

Okay consumers...dig this! I recently bought a bag of "Original Flavor" Jolly Ranchers...which contained only ONE piece of Watermelon! According to the nutrition facts on the bag, three (3) pieces make one (1) serving of the candy. There are about 35 pieces of candy per bag but somehow I only got 1/3 of a serving of Watermelon. Yeah, I'm aware that the assortment in each package may vary, but COME ON! Is it unreasonable to assume that I'm gonna enjoy at least ONE serving of watermelon? Sheesh! And if that weren't enough, Lemon has been replaced by Blue Raspberry. While I'm not crazy about Lemon, Blue Raspberry is definitely NOT one of the ORIGINAL flavors! I've been a Rancher fan since the old days, so I know. This is SCANDALOUS! The Hershey Foods Corporation has a toll-free number...AND I'M CALLIN' IT!

Friday, November 2, 2007

Saturday, October 6, 2007

Repeated Viewing #2

Like The Big Lebowski, Showtime has been playing Quiz Show for the last several weeks and I can't tear away from it when it's on. Along with My Favorite Year, Quiz Show is my favorite movie set in the 50s, a time when America was losing an innocence it never really had.

Friday, October 5, 2007

Um, Willie? Yer scarin' me, dude.

Dirty Little Secret

I can't believe the growing number of seemingly intelligent people who are taking this Secret bullshit seriously. The only person getting rich from this pseudoscientific, psychospiritual babble is Rhonda Byrne, the shameless "creator" of the DVD and book that is hoodwinking millions of people, including the already fabulously wealthy (but stupid) Oprah Winfrey. There aren't any novel concepts presented in the book or DVD, but the shallow, selfish, materialistic message is certainly appealing to an American culture obsessed with taking shortcuts to wealth. Why work for your money when you can just "think" it into magically appearing in your grubby little hands? Ugghhh! I caught a friend of mine reading the book recently and had to give her what for. I doubt she'll ever speak to me again...I'm not sure I'll miss her.

Thursday, October 4, 2007

Zatso Z-List Celebrity Crush #4

I hated Stacy London for the longest time. As one of the "Style Gurus" of TLC's What Not To Wear she came across as an obnoxious bully, ridiculing the show's participants with her incessant smarm and haughtiness. But slowly, over many months, my opinion changed. She is hot, after all, and I began to entertain what is surely an unhealthy fantasy: imagining myself as Eliza Doolittle to Ms. London's Professor Henry Higgins. I now understand that Stacy is simply using a "tough love" approach to help those who are, like me, severely challenged in the style department. And she's not just a pretty face (and nice boobs) either. Turns out she's crazy smart. According to her bio, she graduated Phi Beta Kappa from Vassar College with a double degree in 20th-century philosophy and German literature. She'll soon be hosting her own show which I understand will be called Shut Up! It's Stacy London.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Wednesday, September 19, 2007