Well, This Here Thing Is Still Around...

The "ZATSO?" blog you are currently viewing has been dormant for some time. I may start posting again. Or I may not. Who knows? I just wanted to check in on this old blog of mine that still floats around in cyberspace.

Fun With Color!

Here's a cool site that'll help ya pass a few hours...or days.

Trust me. Thank me later.

R.I.P. Ron Asheton of The Stooges

Ron Asheton - (July 17, 1948 - c.January 1, 2009)

An Overlooked Minor Masterpiece

Starring Dick Van Dyke and written and directed by Norman Lear, 1971's Cold Turkey is one of my top 10 favorite comedies of all time. Cast with practically every comedy/character actor from the early seventies, this overlooked classic satire has been playing on SHOWTIME the last couple of weeks. I remember seeing it for the first time as a young kid and I loved it even then.

***Spoiler Alert***

I even laughed when the dog got kicked!

Silly Girl...Tricks Are For Douche Bags!

I've never liked magicians. Except Penn & Teller and The Amazing Jonathan...'cuz they also happen to be FUNNY! But I REALLY hate Criss Angel. Beneath the humble, fan-lovin' facade is a real douchebag who earlier this year threatened to blind a journalist who only has one eye, among other asshole-ish things. I don't know who this gal in the picture is, but I gotta think she's there for Angel's seemingly limitless scratch. If he weren't a millionaire Vegas magician, he'd just be another Guido in the clubs making sure everybody notices that he works out. In this pic, however, he's lookin' BAD! And I mean BAD as in BAD, not BAD as in GOOD, like the hip kids say these days.

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Criss: "And for my next trick, watch me make all this crack disappear!"

Havin' A Dance With The Baguette Man!

It soon became apparent to Grandma that she had entered the wrong address. But she didn't let that spoil her fun.

Peter Frampton At X-Mas

Cincinnati resident and rock star Peter Frampton reads "A Visit From Saint Nicholas" in the studios of WVXU, our local NPR station.

Disappointed By Chinese Democracy?

Here's Nicki Rose jammin' on Electric Warrior.

Allow this ROSE to rock yo' muthafuckin' ASS OFF!!!

Forever worship at his altar of ROCK 'n' ROLL!!!

Playing With Yorku

Worst voice dub in movie history, as well as just being creepy. Would you let your little girl play in a boat's "basement" with Yorku, the ancient Chinese guy?

Zatso Z-List Celebrity Crush #6

Those folks who are lucky enough to know me are well aware of my severe Anglophilia. I am easily seduced by all things British. Additionally, those fortunate enough to count me as a friend also know that I am straight as a fuckin' arrow. I am a heterosexual or, as some in the LGBT community might say, a het, a heto, a "commoner", a non-gay, or my favorite (though I don't have any children) a "breeder". Therefore, my deep and painful crush on the stunning British actress Emily Blunt should be a surprise to no one. Many of you probably know her from her role as "Emily" (imagine that!) the assistant to Meryl Streep's character "Miranda Priestly" in The Devil Wears Prada. I became aware of her back in 2004 when she appeared in the film My Summer of Love in which she gets naked and makes hot lesbian love to her co-star, the also beautiful, also British Natalie Press. Imagine my profound disappointment, then, when I found that my lovely Miss Blunt was "seeing" Michael "Mediocrity Personified" Bublé. He is an American "singer" of some renown who just happens to be awful...and also doesn't look good naked (see below).


Even I'M in better shape than THIS guy, so that's pretty bad! Anyway, as difficult as it was for me to do, I had to remove Miss Blunt from my monkey bank. I simply could not continue to crush on any woman who would date such a white-bread, piece-o-shit, no-talent "celebrity". But then, just moments ago (as of this writing), a fortuitous event happened. It's Saturday night and I'm sorta, kinda working with my personal assistant and platonic gal pal Millicent Malinowski. We're half-heartedly watching TV while reviewing my quarterly tax information. Gnoshin' on a handful of Goldfish crackers and enjoying a glass of Wild Irish Rose, I suddenly see Miss Blunt on the screen. She's in the Tom Hanks movie Charlie Wilson's War and she looks AMAZING! Early in the film, we see her in her underwear. She is ravishing. Gorgeous. Insane body. Because I had reluctantly stopped lusting over her some time ago, I had no idea she was in this movie. Millicent, who spends most of her waking hours working with me and is infinitely familiar with my various quirks and obsessions says, "Y'know she's not with that guy anymore. Uhm, that Bubble guy or whatever? The one you can't stand?" I'm up like a shot and rush to the computer to find some confirmation. How did I miss this? They split-up back in JULY! I had no idea. "Good for you, Emily," I say aloud. "Now...if only we could meet...somehow...you'd no doubt fall madly in love with me." Millicent rolls her eyes, shuffles some papers, and hopes that I'm not going completely mad.

I Pledge Allegiance...

to a wax-dipped bottle of premium Kentucky bourbon.

Finally...This Shit Is Over

Unless they start ramping up for 2012 NEXT WEEK!

A Long Nap

Why does one invariably feel like shit after a long nap? The perfect nap for me is exactly 37 minutes. Any nap longer than that becomes counterproductive. So, if I end up napping for like 4 HOURS, which I did today, I wake up feeling like absolute DEATH! Now I've got a tremendous headache...I slept, fully clothed, with multiple layers, so I was sweatin' like a wooly mammoth...I feel sapped of energy...and now I'll be up 'til who knows when. Millicent is bringing me a couple Bufferin, a can of Pepsi, and a cold compress, so maybe I'll feel better shortly. But damn. I hadda lotta shit I wanted to get done today. Fuck long naps!

Stan & Ollie

I Don't Wanna Work!

Who knew John McCain was a freakin' BADASS on the skins!?!?

My Thoughts Exactly, Wall Street

Laundry Fetish?

Whatever turns ya' on...I guess.

Meatloaf...Or Frankenstein's Monster?

Meatloaf was a stuttering, bewildered MESS at the Q Awards in London this past weekend. His "people" claim he was suffering from vertigo. I betcha he was suffering from a drinking contest with the Gallagher brothers from Oasis. In the picture above, however, he looks like he's dancing the Robot.

My New Favorite Frickin' Show

Superjail is a new animated program on Cartoon Network's Adult Swim. Set inside a bizarre prison deep within a volcano, this show, despite it's somewhat crude animation, is absolutely BRILLIANT! It's like a concoction of Beavis, Butthead, R. Crumb, Willy Wonka, Alice in Wonderland, and The Yellow Submarine, all on dreadfully high doses of powerful psychedelics. Like many Adult Swim programs, the stories here aren't really stories at all, but more like absurd vignettes. Superjail is high weirdness synergized with a great deal of over-the-top graphic violence. The whole show is just INSANE and I love every second of it. Millicent, my indefatigable researcher and personal assistant, admires it as well. Check out the mayhem Sunday nights at 11:45pm EST.

Hey, George!

"Hey, George! The solutions to ALL of America's problems can be found just beyond that door over there. Yeah...that door there. No...you gotta pull. Pull the handle. No, PULL! Open the Goddamned door you FUCKIN' NITWIT! Ah, for fuck's SAKE!"

(Not Quite) Instant Karma

The universe works in mysterious ways. Dig this!

October 3, 1995 - O.J.Simpson is found NOT GUILTY of double murder in the deaths of former wife Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman.

October 3, 2008 - O.J.Simpson is found GUILTY of 12 charges, including kidnapping and armed robbery, a verdict which may place Simpson in jail for the rest of his life.

13 years TO THE DAY! A little COSMIC COMEUPPANCE! Ya really gotta love life's little synchronicities. I guess the OJ team thought this was gonna be another LUCKY day. O W N E D!!!

Giving Praise To Yahweh

Christopher Hitchens would LOVE this!

I'm A Better Man Than She Is!!!

With Lindsay officially announcing that she's been dating "DJ" Samantha Ronson, my self-esteem has just been given a real boost! I'm not a particularly good-lookin' guy, but I'm a HELLUVA lot better lookin' than this Ronson guy...er, um, I mean girl. So to all you messed-up Hollywood celebutantes: give this regular guy a chance! Better lookin' than Sam Ronson and not nearly as dumb as K-Fed, I'm exactly what you're lookin' for!

Seriously though, Lindsay has to do SOMETHING to keep her name in the news. At 22 her career is most likely over. Her last couple of films were absolute SHIT and nobody'll touch her to work in a REAL movie for awhile, if ever. For a long time, I gave the girl credit. Unlike, say, Paris and Nicole, Lindsay actually HAD A JOB! She had to work to keep that nutbar family of hers afloat. Now this publicity stunt, which the media seems to be taking seriously, is the only way for Lindsay to maintain a profile. Thankfully though, it seems the news (news to some, obvious to others for a LONG time) that this country is totally in the SHITTER may finally push some of this celebrity nonsense OFF the media's radar. Citizens need to start paying attention to what's goin' on in Washington before we get RAPED by this ridiculous financial bail-out. I WILL NOT pay taxes so that some incompetent bank executive can slink off with a $73 million dollar golden fuckin' parachute after runnin' his institution into the ground.

I WILL however take a member of young Hollywood out for a nice evening. How does Red Lobster sound? And after, we can go back to my parent's place. I'll light candles and we can enjoy a REALLY good box of wine in front of the TV. I don't have any movie channels though, so we won't be able to watch Georgia Rule or License To Wed. And my mom makes really good microwave popcorn, y'know. Think about it. We may not have much more time to fiddle before the fall of Rome.

I Hate Jeff Probst #2

WHO gives a shit about Jeff Probst winning an Emmy Award last night?


THIS GUY!!!

Whitest...Band...EVER!!!

Aside from the (thankfully!) short snippets one hears during their incessant VH1 commercial, I've not really heard this band's music. But judging by the brief music samples, their ubiquitous hipster poseur look, and their STUPID name (Thriving Ivory? DREADFUL!) these guys are 'bout as good as SHIT on a STICK!!! (Which, BTW, is NOT the name of another band...that I'm aware of, anyway...but I bet they'd sound better than Thriving Ivory. Thriving Ivory? What the fuck IS that?) Ivory meaning white...meaning vanilla...meaning safe and BORING! Ugghhh!

I dunno what to think of the current music scene. There's always great stuff out there if one is hip and willing to do a little work to find it, but most new POPULAR music is just so fucking BAD! As far as I'm concerned it's not even worthy of THEFT! Would anybody really risk a lawsuit by the RIAA by illegally downloading Thriving Ivory's MOR rubbish? "The Ivorys", as I'm sure their small contingent of "fans" call them, are the 2008 equivalent of Huey Lewis & the News...and that's an insult to the News! BOO!!! HISS!!!

WTF?

Recently TRIED to watch Hairspray, the movie of the musical of the movie. What the fuck was John Travolta thinking? Supposedly he was affecting a Baltimore accent to play the character of Edna Turnblad. He actually sounded 1/2 southern and 1/2 retarded. Millicent, my faithful researcher, tells me that Travolta insisted on going that way with the character, much to the dismay of everybody involved. I mean, nobody else in the movie bothered to use a phony accent. Nobody on HBO's The Wire, a show set in Baltimore and noted for its realism, tried to sound like a local. This is just more proof that Travolta is completely unhinged and a self-obsessed moron.

People I Don't Know...But Hate Anyway (No.3)

Sheryl Crow

Her success totally baffles me. Middle of the road mediocrity with a voice that sounds not unlike the bird that shares her name. Has an enormous mouth. Frightens small children. Another talentless hack. Cannot STAND her.

People I Don't Know...But Hate Anyway (No.2)

Beyonce

Hate her stupid name. Hate anybody who insists on going by first name only. Overrated. Guy's think I'm crazy, but I don't find her the least bit attractive. Don't believe the hype.

People I Don't Know...But Hate Anyway (No.1)

Jeff Probst

Talentless hack. Hate him...hate his show.

White Trash With Money

...and pasta!

The "Hogan" family is a real mess. Mom and Sis dress like hookers while Dad tries to wrangle a reality show for Bro who languishes in jail. You know...just an average American family. Anyway, here's a link to the Nick Hogan jailhouse tapes. And for more vile Hogan Family fun, check out what Mama Linda wore to visit her 17-year-old SON...in JAIL. Enjoy!

Michelle Malkin

Making the world safe from cute talk & cooking show hosts!

She's A Minor Threat

Fight The Power

Putting the Insanity in Christianity